Clawing my way back from the beginning.

I successfully completed my 7 mile run this morning!  No back pain, no tired legs, no cardio-wimpiness.  It's safe to say my body is back in business and I'm seriously training for a marathon.

I mean... I have been for the last 3+ months... right?

Seriously though, for the last month or so I actually had given up in my mind and heart.  I've already "quit" training... yet here I am back at it again.  My body seems to be cooperating, and now I just have to wait for my mind and heart to catch up again.

For some reason, during my run, I kept dealing with this tape in my head that was saying "this is hard! I want to quit! Please stop!"  But when I assessed how I was doing physically - all systems were a "go!"

Legs - not burning, actually comfortable, no cramps
Back - feeling strong and loose (but not too loose)
Breathing - feeling strong, right on track and comfortable

I chalked it up to that whole "mental game" thing.  I guess when you "quit" in your head, it takes your head a little while to "un-quit."

It probably also has something to do with the fact that all week I've been running "tiny" miles... way less than where I was when I had to take my break a few weeks ago.  There's something a little discouraging about going from 11 & 12 mile long runs back to FIVE mile "long" runs.  Especially when you were doing 5-milers on your "easy" days.

I guess I'm just going to have to get over myself and keep training in order to get back to where I was before the break.  Although - perhaps instead of trying to "catch up" to where I was... I should just focus on where I currently am and where I am going.  There is definitely still enough time for me to train for the marathon - so I'll just have to let go of those first 3 months and focus on one run at a time.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go email the coach and find out what my marching orders (running orders?) are for Monday.

;)

Great News!!

I visited that Physical Therapist this week and was given clearance to keep running and prepare for the marathon.  It turns out my lower back issues don't have anything to do with my abdominal separation, and that my issues stem from a couple other things. The "short-story" version of the deal is this;
My right leg twists to the right at the hip and has since I was a kid...
I've always had a habit of leaning my body-weight on my left leg...
My left psoas muscle (that connects your legs to your core and is responsible for lifting your leg when you run) is tighter than the right...
My right hip was significantly "higher" than my left hip at the beginning of the appointment...
Which means my right half of my pelvis is twisted posteriorly (to the back)... (what?)...

Verdict = My right leg *might* be slightly longer than my left leg + I sleep like a twisty pretzel when Ethan crawls in bed with us for the last few hours in the morning = I got myself all jacked up on my long miles.

The Physical Therapist explained that since my right side is twisted to the back, it makes my whole pelvis want to arch back, which means puts a lot of pressure on my lower back.  I haven't noticed it on other runs because apparently my core is strong enough to hold things in the "right" place until about 10 miles. 

The great news is that with some simple stretches and a commitment to strengthening my core with a simple 10-15 minute pilates routine - I should be in top shape and still have time to train up to comfortably finish the marathon.

It was such a relief to find out I'm not broken beyond repair.  Wee!

Now I've just got to dig my spirits out of their "Ican'tdothisit'stoohard" dark-place and hit the road again!

The PT gave me a modified training schedule for the next two weeks that looks like this;

Saturday - Long Run of 5 miles
M: 2 miles
T: 3 miles
W: 2 miles
Th: 4 miles
Saturday - Long Run of 7 miles

It's reassuring to have a plan in place and to know that the coach believes that I can complete this challenge of training for a marathon.  I can't really figure out in my head how exactly I'm going to get from these measely (haha... measely!!) 5 miles up to 16-20 miles like I need to before the race... but she knows!  All I can do now is trust her, do what she's told me to do, and keep communicating about how I'm doing and what I need.

I guess things are like that with the Lord, too.  Most of the time I look at where I am now (selfish, whiney, weak) and where He promises I'm going to end up eventually (showing Christ's character in complete maturity) and I cannot for the life of me figure out how I'm going to get there from here.  But He knows!  And in His word He has given me some clear action-steps and the truth I need to get my heart in the right place to have strength for the journey.

So here's to trusting our Coach.

Woot!!

Doubts

I think I can...

I think I can...

Woops...

DOH!

**********

I wish that I were writing to tell you all how wonderful I feel and how well training is going now that I'm back on my feet.

But, alas, that is not what I'm writing about.  :(

Since my last post I've run two miles.

2 miles...

I've got an appointment schedule for the 8th with a Physical Therapist.  She did have some encouraging things to say in her email, as she believes that my diastasis shouldn't prevent me from being able to train for this marathon.  Our meeting on the 8th will give her a chance to assess things "hands on" and give me a better answer.

My back has finally calmed down for the most part, but for some reason I've just been feeling really fatigued and weak.  My wonderful husband reassured me today that it's probably because we've just come through what could he described as "the hardest season of our lives" in the relational department.  I have to laugh on the inside a little, because I've definitely been through things of equal -if not worse - caliber than these last few relationally confusing and hurtful months.

I'm currently recovering from a sore throat.  I don't know if having a sore throat means that you *can't* run, but I have a feeling that my body giving in to germies means it's crying out for some sort of break.

The truth is - I haven't been that nice to it.  Because of all the stress we've been experiencing, I must confess that I've done more than my fair share of emotional eating.  No one eats lots and lots of veggies when they are emotionally eating.  I'm completely ashamed at the amount of Taco Bell I've consumed in the last month, and feel like what my body REALLY needs is a "reset" button.  I'm honestly considering doing some sort of dietary cleanse to start things over - but don't know exactly what that would look like.

I realized tonight - as I was sitting down to write this - that I'm definitely in the "ohwowwhydidIdecidetodothisIdon'tthinkthisisgoingtowork" stage of marathon training.  Literally.  I honestly don't think my body is capable of training for and completing a marathon this time around.  Which has me feeling rather depressed and down about myself.

Perhaps this is one of those things I need to push through and overcome and triumph through...
Or is this one of those things where I need to accept my limits, re-evaluate my goals, and choose a different marathon...

Who knows.

I know I'd love your prayers.